More than weddings

I started this blog as a place to vent as I plan my wedding but it has become more...I must admit I want this promotion at work far more than I thought I did...I feel like I have worked to get to this one place. Admittedly, there would be some travel to Illinois,Iowa, and Wisconsin which would take me away from home, but I feel like I have a lot to offer and I will be disappointed if it doesn't happen.

Will I ever learn?

As I said yesterday I am mentoring a new hire at work this week and trying to focus on doing a good job, but I am also filled with anxiety about whether I will get a promotion I am in contention for. On top of all that my friend Marisa was at the Fetish Flea this weekend in Boston w/her boyfriend JR and ran into my ex-friend Sarah. Marisa and JR knew the circumstances of the end of Sarah's and my friendship and the way that Sarah wounded me and they had a blast letting Sarah know that I have found great joy and happiness as well as my fairy tale prince...Sarah a normally intelligent person was apparently dumbfounded. I guess happiness is the best revenge....If I go to the next Flea I hope Sarah faints when she sees the ring...It ALMOST would have been worth the trip to Boston. I do NOT miss Sarah's negativity and constant kvetching and am glad I wasn't there because who needs to be around that kind of negativity even for a moment...I am glad that Marisa and JR let her know how well things have turned out for me. All of this gives me pause to focus on the friendships I have gained and lost over the years. Depression is a terrible thing and I admit I have behaved badly in some very important situations and the end of my friendship w/Sarah was NOT the ONLY casualty of the troubles I went through in 2000. I deeply regret the end of my friendship with Matt F. and I can only hope that I will be forgiven one day but I ruined an evening that belonged to he and his fiance by my own clingy,needy behavior at the time. I can't change the past but I certainly have learned with the help of a great therapist that it's not always all about me and that I do not the undivided attention of the people in my life at all times. I have also learned that I don't like liars...and have dismissed some people who failed to be truthful w/me,themselves or both. All of this is important as I plan to get married because AH and I want to share OUR day with the people who matter most. I am discovering that those people are in some ways the ones I least expected to still be here and some of them have been w/me through thick and thin and deserve more than "Thank You". Little by little I am learning that is not how many friends one has but the quality of the friendships...

Is it too late to elope?

The wedding planning is just starting and already T wants things her way...AH says we'll all sit down after the beginning of the year and talk but knowing my mother she is already making HER list and checking it twice...whose wedding is it anyway? In the meantime I am trying NOT to let her stress me out because I am currently competing for a promotion at work which is a bigger priority right now........More later